I’m going to be writing my notes down on the State of the Union. It’s not really a live blog since I’m not clever enough to come up with witty responses on the fly, and I’m going to need these notes for a news article I have to write.
8:59-CNN has a countdown ticker. 22 seconds remaining. Can’t decide if this is funny or not.
9:00-Switched to FOX. Didn’t want to give CNN ratings I guess. Janet Napolitano looks way too happy. Come to think of it, all of these bottom feeders look a bit too happy. I’m suspicious.
9:03-Three minutes late; what a disappointment. The crowd is getting restless; we’re trying to think up decent drinking games. My favorite so far: drink every time Nancy Pelosi claps like a seal.
9:06-Ecce homo! The Bamster’s fake smile is shining through the shadows of the door. Apparently Congressmen wait all day to get the aisle seats to get their mugs on TV—kind of like the Star Wars premiers.
9:07-Oh hey, it’s Sarah Palin on FOX. A miniature Ronald Reagan bust has been set in front of the TV as a talisman.
9:10-I guess it wasn’t scheduled to start until now. The anticipation has reached a boiling point. Obama strikes his signature chin-up pose; looks like Pelosi drained a bit of the botox out of her face; Biden’s hair plugs have filled out quite nicely. I wonder if Biden and Pelosi coordinated colors? His tie complements her lavender pantsuit rather well.
9:12-Historical reference? What?
9:13-If by “we are tested” he means “my administration has been tested by the public” then yeah, I guess he’s got a good point.
9:14-Financial system in ruins; minorities and women hardest hit. Shout out to Elkhardt, Indiana
9:15-Brace yourselves for higher taxes: it’s for the children.
9:16-Blah blah blah adversity blah blah blah touching letters blah blah blah hope.
9:17-First applause of the night! Taking a drink.
9:18-Nice variety in pantsuit colors-I’m seeing a lot of red and blue, but also some yellows. The orange pantsuits really aren’t working though.
9:19-Struggling to justify the bailout, etc. Brace yourself for the ridiculous banking regulations he’s going to
9:20-Yep, he did it. Bank taxes. No matter that many of the banks that were forced to accept TARP funds have already paid them back, with interest.
9:22-Tax cuts? What tax cuts? PROTIP: tax credits are not tax cuts per se. Stop calling them such.
9:23-Eric Cantor is not pleased. Thad McCotter has clearly been working on his tan.
9:24-Jobs created/saved: 100 billion. Jobs jobs jobs jobs stimulus jobs jobs jobs more spending jobs jobs jobs.
9:25-THANK GOD WE SPENT TRILLIONS TO SAVE A TEACHER’S JOB. Money well spent.
9:26-Jobs bill=stimulus package #2 (or is it 3? 4?)
9:27-Yes, government can create the conditions required to encourage job creation—by getting the hell out of the way.
9:30-Oh God. I think he just proposed the Community Reinvestment Act for small business. Cool, we’re eliminating capital gains taxes on small business investment. Why not just eliminate capital gains taxes period? I know, dumb suggestion.
9:31-Cool, more anti-free trade proposals. We could encourage business to stay here by lowering corporate tax rates, but nah, let’s just penalize those who try to remain competitive through outsourcing.
9:32-Rattles of a list of government-caused problems, proposes a list of government-based solutions.
9:33-Oh great. We need to be more like China.
9:35-I’m getting the impression that this guy thinks that government is the solution to all of our current social and economic problems.
9:36-We’re going to be spending a lot more on green energy development—whether we want to or not.
9:37-Oil and gas development. That’s kind of neat.
9:38-Comprehensive energy and climate bill. Crap. Chances of getting passed: low, hopefully.
9:39-Some people disagree with climate change evidence. I’ll say. Shut the hell up, please. You don’t understand global economics.
9:40-blah blah blah TWO MILLION MORE JOBS blah blah blah EXPORT INITIATIVES blah blah blah NATIONAL SECURITY blah blah wait, national security? What?
9:41-“Free trade.” He keeps using that phrase. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
9:42-Education. I believe we spend more on education per capita than most European countries (I’ll have to confirm this) and are rewarded with poor results; what is more spending going to do?
9:42-I’m pretty sure more Pell grants will result in higher tuition, but whatever. I’ll be out of school soon enough.
9:44-We’re going to reward people for in public service (translation: working for the government) with student loan reductions? What the $#@! is this? Don’t people providing valuable goods and services serve the public?
9:47-Health care reform. Break out the sob stories.
9:48-With everyone unemployed and starving, won’t the childhood obesity epidemic tackle itself? And health care reform is going to cut $1 Trillion from the deficit over the next few decades? What? Why not $2 Trillion? $3 Trillion? The sky’s the limit here folks.
9:50-Nothing surprising, it’s our duty to help people without health care. Despite overwhelming public opposition.
Also, I think better plans have been proposed by Republicans (like Paul Ryan), Mr. President. Get a clue.
9:51-It’s for the American people! And the children!
9:52-Obama states the obvious. Brace yourself for a massive non sequitur (I really like that phrase, by the way).
9:53-“I’d really like to cut the deficit, but instead I’m going to increase it by a few trillion.”
9:54-Hey, wait, did he just propose a spending cut? This is too good to be true! Three year government spending freeze starting in 2011? Cool. Oh wait, social security, medicare, and other massive entitlements won’t be covered? Crap.
9:56-$20 billion whole dollars saved? Cool. Oh, and no tax cuts for the most productive members of society.
9:57-was this the first or second blame Bush moment?
9:58-I’m sorry, I just can’t take Biden seriously. There’s just something about him. He seems too much like a used car salesman maybe—I can’t figure it out.
10:00-I’m getting kind of bored. He’s preemptively attacking the right; fellow watchers have pointed out that he’s offering a false choice: Obama or the status quo.
10:01-Deficit of trust? I’ll say.
10:02-McCain-Feingold was penned over a century ago? You’d best be joking. The Supreme Court Justices are not pleased with Obama’s shenanigans.
10:05-Actually, I’m pretty sure Obama did think his election would usher in an era of post-partisanship.
Americans have differences of opinion over the role of government in our lives. You think?
“We can’t wage a perpetual campaign.” I think that was supposed to be a laugh line that went over everyone’s head.
10:06-“Change” instance #2. Heels are being dug in. The obvious is being stated.
So if the citizens want their representatives to vote “no” on an issue, the representatives are being obstructionist?
10:07-Aww, monthly meetings. Maybe they could meet over a nice brunch?
Security. This could get interesting. Did he just un-blame Bush? Nah.
10:09-This is getting kind of long. Was that an olive green pantsuit? Not flattering.
Afghanistan. Common purposes will be reaffirmed. We will succeed. Etc. Etc.
10:10-You’re not going to be ending this war anytime soon, dude. Just embrace this fact and get this done in and orderly and responsible fashion. The military men in the audience are not pleased.
10:12-Nobody hates the military-not really surprising.
10:13-Are nuclear weapons really the greatest threat to the United States these days? This isn’t the 60’s. I’m pretty sure our own government is a bigger threat than the Russians these days.
10:14-Consequences for Iran. We’ll see. Fighting radical Islam by promoting…science? What?
10:15-Haiti. Relevant, I guess.
10:16-“Freedom” has been used for the first time. That’s worth a drink.
Diversity! Obama as Mary Sue Coleman.
Doesn’t look like Pelosi can move her face; her eyes are darting back and forth nervously.
Ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell—sounds ok.
Equal pay laws—bad idea.
Immigration reform—sounds pretty right-wing to me
10:19-I’ve kind of lost interest. Ooh, let’s attack the fat cat CEOs that were taken advantage of risky economic opportunities created by government.
10:20-“Change” III and IV
Sometimes the electorate is noisy. Especially when you try to do what they don’t want you to do.
10:21-Apparently government knows what’s better for the next generation than the next generation does. No real surprise. Another justification for pursuing more unpopular legislation.
10:23-Things might be winding down. Fingers crossed.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I’m not sure if Nancy is wearing a pantsuit or a skirt with matching blazer. Her face is stuck again.
“The spirit that has sustained this nation will be crushed beneath the boots of government”
10:24-God Bless America, it’s over.