Epiphanies! Revalations!

7 10 2010

Sometimes, when it’s late in the evening and my mind wanders, I’ll hit upon something profound–a thought that changes the way I look at the world.  It happened again last night.

For years I was stumped by the lyrics to Warron Zevon’s 1976 single, “Poor Poor Pitiful Me.” As far as I could tell, the second verse went something like this:

Well I met a girl in West Hollywood
And I ain't namin' names
Well, she really worked me over good
She was just like Jesse James

She really worked me over good
She was a credit to her gender
She put me through some changes, Lord
Sort of like a ????????? blender

The “??????” part is where I got thrown off.  It sounded like “whirring,” or something, but that choice of words seemed lame.

Could Warren Zevon, the man who wrote “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner,” have really used the phrase “whirring blender?”  It was uninspired.  Utterly disappointing.  Were there other lyrical cop-outs in “Lawyers, Guns, and Money?”  Was “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” built on a foundation of shoddy songwriting as well?

Since mp3s don’t have liner notes and I’d always forget to look up the lyrics after I heard the song, it became one of those pesky little questions parked at back of my mind.  It didn’t exactly keep me up at night, mind you, but it would pop up now and again.  Always there, nagging.

Then, last night, while aimlessly looking at kitchen appliances online (as I am wont to do) I saw it:  The Waring 60th Anniversary Blender.

A WARING blender! It's all so clear!

Suddenly, everything made sense.  It was as though a brushed stainless steel light bulb clicked on in my mind, if that were even possible.  Who could have known that the towering, elegant, testament to Art Deco culinary engineering would hold the key to one of my life’s most persistent mysteries?

My faith in Warren Zevon restored, I’m now facing a more difficult quandary: should I spring for what may be one of the slickest blenders I’ve ever seen, or spend my money on something more responsible?

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